I have decided that today’s pop punk bands are to the 00’s what glam rock was to the 80’s.

Here’s why:

Style over substance. Glam rock bands wore outrageous outfits. Contributed to rapid degradation of the Ozone layer by overusing hairspray, and wore enough makeup to kill cows.

Glam rock took an underground and socially outcast form of music (heavy metal) and made it buttery smooth and easily accessible to young kids and their parents. It made metal, pop.

Most of all, glam rock became very generic. Everything sounded the same. A successful formula was found and appropriately exploited. There were never any surprises.

Pop punk bands are the same. There’s a specific uniform involved there that is strictly followed. Pop punk bands have to have tattoos covering 70% of their bodies (usually sleeves). They have to wear T-shirts that are 3 sizes too small. Eyeliner is usually applied, along with a fake mohawk. You know, the kind that pushes all the hair to the middle of the head and up, like a wave. Instead of actually shaving around the sides. How conveniently safe.

Likewise, Pop punk has taken an underground and socially displaced form of music (punk rock) and cleaned it up. Its been milked dry and made happy happy joy joy. What was once a call to arms against the establishment is now about MTV’s spring break and girls gone wild. Pop punk has made punk rock bubble gum.

Again, album sales are key. There is no spontaneity with this current crop of pop punk bands. Every move seems expertly calculated to achieve maximum profit. They are all the same.