Had honey problems.

Had honey problems. Past tense. I’m here to report that my honey problems are over. And I am not a beekeeper or apiculturist. I am but a man.

I’ve tried the alternatives. At first there wasn’t any honey. I’d have to depend on the detritus downstairs to actually provide it. And every morning would be a new goof. Oh, they’d give me a smile and a wink and know exactly what I want (that’s medium Earl Grey tea, no milk for those keeping score). But oddly I would always have to ask for the honey. And more often than not I’d get, “Oh, we’re out of it today.” Gee, thanks for telling me before I placed my order. Now I don’t want this tea. Because I have no honey! Other times, they’d give me a handful of sticky, ketchup-style honey packets. This is downright offensive.

Screw this, I’m bringing my own honey. So I went out and bought a bear. (I’m allergic to bees, and bears are fun to ride.) Logistically, it’s tough to keep a bear at the office. HR had a problem with it. So did my parents. And as it turns out, these furry bastards don’t even have a lot of honey to offer. Even though they are generally better tempered than bees, it just wasn’t working out. So, I went to the convenience store and bought a bottle of honey that was shaped like a bear instead.

It worked out for a while. If you respect that spout enough, you can avoid the normal pitfalls of honey. Mainly… getting everything sticky. However, the slow squirm of honey will always prevail. Before long, the honey had consumed the top of the jar. I was left with a sticky disaster. Napkin stuck to it. Crusty honey residue along the edges. In addition, word got around that I had a jar of honey at my desk. So more people wanted to get their sticky hands on my sticky honey. And I can attest, other people don’t respect the spout like I do.

If I put a ban on sharing the honey, then I become the office asshole. I couldn’t deal with being the office asshole so publicly.

Then someone gave me honey-sticks. I thought then my problems had been solved. But no dice. The problem with these are that you have to open them up somehow and squish every last bit of honey out. Several times, I’d be squeezing that sucker, the fingers would slip, and I’d end up with a lap of tea. Moreover, each stick didn’t contain all that much honey! It took about 4 sticks just to get my tea to flavor. Each pack comes with about 6 sticks. That’s a pack of honey-sticks every 1.5 teas. That’s a pace I can’t keep up.

I did mention my honey problems were in the past. Because the other day I stumbled upon this genius product from a company called Honibe (haha, get it? -Honey Bee) They’re called Honey Drops. Serving sized rigid globules of honey that dissolve in your tea. No mess. No stick. There is a regular and a lemon-accented version. Think of them as sugar cubes. This is the thing I have been waiting for. My daily sweetening issues are gone. Being the curious type, I immediately dropped the $18.50 it costs for a package of 20. (That’s $11.99 plus S&H)

Hey, it’s not cheap, but it’s a small price to pay for being the only person in the room to actually own, and have written about, a small hexagonal confection.

One Comment

  1. Karina March 7, 2008

    Jeez man how much honey do you put in one cup? 4 sticks is a hell of a lot of honey!I bet you don’t even taste the earl grey.

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