The other day I was going through my CDs and came across Open Up and Say… Ahh! by Poison. I had some packing to do and decided to dust off this ’88 gem. Give it a listen. After all, this was the record that made me want to be a rocker.
I wanted to play the drums. For two reasons mostly. First, I thought Rikki Rockett was the coolest one in the band. (or hottest?) And second… because my elementary school didn’t offer guitar or bass lessons. But god damn did they offer drum lessons. And drums I played. Performing Hot Cross Buns in the elementary school band on a single stand-up snare wasn’t exactly Rock & Roll. Still, I certainly thought I was cooler than the flautists.
It’s truly embarrassing to say that Poison is what got me into being a musician. But I was young and impressionable. I thought I was so tough back then listening to this crap. Hearing it now, its hard to believe I was listening to this smut at all. These lyrics are fucking filthy. All Mr. Rock of Love talks about is taking girls back to his place and teaching them something. At 7 years old, I was humming along to a guy raving about his cock.
It’s probably not surprising to anyone when I say there’s really no redeeming quality here. These songs are empty. As it turns out, Rikki Rockett is a really horrible drummer. Bobby Dall’s bass is non-existent. When it does show up, it’s pointless. C.C’s riffs are recycled from KISS. I hate KISS. Not too mention he plays the same guitar solo on every song. Bret Michaels ring leads this circus well enough. But he’s not exactly a singer as much as he is a sexual predator.
Let me make it clear that I am not a music snob by any means. MMMBop is one of my favorite songs. I’d have no problem admitting that I liked Poison if there was anything good about this. Ok, the chorus to Fallen Angel is catchy. No. This music is not good. Period!
There’s no way around the fact that I starting playing drums because of these guys. That is what this band has given me. For that I am eternally grateful. I do think I can also credit Bret & Co. with my insatiable sexual appetite. Well, Poison and internet porn. So I suppose they accomplished their mission.