Where do loofahs go when they die?

I’ve been a bar soap man all of my life. I was a briefs man until college but that’s neither here nor there. I never could understand body washes. Something was missing. Then I was turned on to the loofah. I’d made fun of loofahs in the past, but I was feeling saucy at the time and figured I’d give the whole thing a whirl. Seemed like the appropriate moment. Shit, I’ll try anything once. So I made the trek to Target, picked out the manliest black loofah I could find, some nice tea tree body wash, and began exfoliating like it was my business.

That was nearly two months ago. But my loofah hasn’t aged a bit. How do I know when to change my loofah? See… with soap you can watch it slowly melt away until its time to piggyback that nub of nitro onto a new bar. A better analogy may be a toothbrush. At least with a toothbrush you can clearly see the bristles have worn down and its time to replace. My loofah however seems to be made out of some kind of space-aged polymer. I could return this thing tomorrow and get my money back. Full refund. Where does one get information and technical support on loofahs?

I don’t know. I’m thinking about getting one more bottle of body wash, then tossing the thing. Does that sound right? This is too difficult. These loofahs may be too much for me. It may be back to bar soap. Maybe I could send it to Africa or Asia? Apparently, they eat them like vegetables there.

What the hell am I talking about?


  1. Cheryl April 18, 2008

    You and your brother have a hard time parting with your “manly” loofahs. I can tell you what I told your brother…. (words of advice from your sister-in-law) smell that 2 month old bacteria ridden loofah and you’ll know if it’s time to get rid of it. Oh by the way your bro’s “manly” loofah is purple!

  2. chad talbot July 20, 2009

    you are a fag

  3. karen September 8, 2010

    change it every 3 months

  4. JaLisa June 22, 2011

    Umm I’m pretty sure that 3months is a liiiiiittle bit too long. I’d go with something more along the lines of like 6-8 weeks. They actually do hamg on to A LOT of different species of bacteria, &it may not be the most beneficial thing to be attempting to clean your body with an object that happens to bea thriving home to millions of disgusting little microscopic single- and multi-celled LIVING organisms who are just waiting to get into your pores and under your skin, possibly making you sick!!! Yer sister-in-law is correct___give it a sniff after a few weeks or so 🙂 Happy Sponging !!!!!

  5. Greg June 22, 2011

    JaLisa, If there was a like button on this website, I’d hit it.

Leave a Reply