As much as I love Batman, I’m more amazed at the production value of this video. Be sure to watch parts 2 and 3 if you can stand it.
April, 2009 Monthly archive
This is how I eat grapes. There’s two ways:
One. I delicately bite off half the grape and admire the fruit on the inside.
Two. I stuff my mouth full of grapes, taking care to fill every nook and cranny. Then nosh away on a mouthful of grapes.
Read MoreEvidently, Earth Day is not just about the environment, it’s about giving too! As part of Earth Day celebrations on Wednesday, the Republic of Venezuela has announced that it is giving AN ISLAND to New Jersey. An entire frickin’ island. The 300-acre Petty’s Island, located in the Delaware River, claims two Bald Eagles as its prime inhabitants, along with a few other species of endangered birds and probably some spiders. The transfer will occur after 2020, but Hugo Chavez and co. wanted to seize the opportunity and make the announcement now. Way to go Jersey!
That was awfully nice of Venezuela. Bypassing that whole country thing and going right to the state level. Just think of what Jersey could do with all that new Shore-front property. All the sunglasses huts…. All the tanning salons…. All the new clubs…. The local economy is going to explode!
If those Venezuelans were trying to impress us and steal our hearts. They did a good job. Thank you.
Go on down to Douchebag Beach
Read MoreWhen people use the expression “Be still my heart”, they are actually addressing one of their organs.
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I’m sitting in a church at a promo shoot we’re doing for work. This is a full-on professional shoot with upwards of 100 people cast and crew. I’m the client or, a “Suit”, and therefore have nothing to do but watch. Doing my best to stay out of the crew’s way, I take a pew and whip out my laptop. What a perfect opportunity to blog. (besides, being on a laptop makes me look important, even though all I really want to do is paint mustaches on people in Photoshop)
I assume of course, because I’m in church, that there must be some divine wireless connection that will be available to me, with download speeds that would let me get The Fast and the Furious from bit torrent in less than 5 minutes. I wouldn’t even have to search for it. I’ll just open my computer, it’ll begin to glow, and I’ll be instantly connected to Godnet. And it will be fast. And furious.
This of course does not work because god is magic and wireless internet is not and cross-platform software that would converge the two has yet to be written. Still in need of a wireless connection, I check the available networks in my laptop’s menu bar. To my luck I find the church’s own network. It’s locked. Feeling I have something brilliant to blog about, I feverishly start trying different passwords in the hope of somehow stealing wireless bandwidth from Christianity itself. I try all the usual suspects. J-E-S-U-S-I-S-B-E-S-T, G-O-D-1, H-O-L-Y-G-H-O-S-T. Nothing seems to be working. I’m looking for a sign. Anything that will allow me to get on Miabifilms and/or check to see how my fantasy baseball team did last night.
The rain outside had been heavy all night. This morning it’s overcast, with a near constant mist swirling about. A dreary day that makes life extra difficult for the crew that have to deal with cold and damp conditions. At that, the mist subsided. The sun peaked through. Could this be my sign? Would Godnet go online? No. But what does happen is the EP of the shoot comes in from the sunshine and sees that I’m having problems getting on the internet. He tells me I’m on the wrong wireless network and gives me the password to the correct one.
Perfect. I get online having tried and failed to hack into the church’s wireless. I suddenly feel a wave of guilt come over me and before I can begin to blog about the need for an alternative to toilet paper, I close the laptop and head to a confessional.
At least I haven’t been struck by lightning.
Read MoreNot really robots, but close enough. This is a strangely wonderful video of 80′s tech re-creating Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s long, but then, the song is too. You know you want to tough it out until the famous a cappella part. Mama mia-mama mia! Apparently no effects were used at all in this. These are the actual computer sounds.
Focus your eyes on the true jewel of the Jupiter system. A gorgeous world called Ganymede. As a cherub of Jupiter, Ganymede is the largest moon in the solar system and one of a few potential spots for life beyond our own planet. Sure, Europa gets all the press and Io gets all the googily eyes, but Ganymede is like the shy pretty girl that does all her homework and still knows how to party.
Or one could say Ganymede is George Harrison of the four Galilean moons. She quietly waits in the background with her sparkling channels and her wonderous craters, while John and Paul get all the adoration. Until you realize that, she’ll probably make the best solo record of all of them.
As a testament to it’s beauty, Ganymede was believed to be a star upon initial discovery.
Missions to this gem have been proposed and canceled due to budget cuts (read: Iraqi War) with the next mission tentatively scheduled for 2020. Attention to Ganymede will be at a minimum with Europa being the main focus of that mission, but at least we’ll be able to take a closer look with better tech.
Colonization of the Jovian moons has always held a special place to futurists because of their size (Ganymede has a larger diameter than Mercury) and captured heat from the gas giant. Like Europa, a liquid ocean is believed to flow beneath it’s surface, further adding to the fascination. Ganymede is one of the few celestial bodies in the solar system to have it’s own atmosphere and magnetosphere- two things that make Earth so perfect for life. Though it’s oxygen atmosphere is thin and tenuonous, knowing that a moon can have such things tickles the imagination.
Imagine sitting on a rock where the moon, in this case Jupiter, takes up 80% of the night sky. Walking freely like Superman in a gravity 1/10th that of which you are accustomed to. An artificial and transparent dome above your head to keep in the oxygen/carbon dioxide/nitrogen stew that gives you life. Just protected enough from the radiation your mother planet continuously emminates. Perhaps you’ll take a road trip around the globe. It only takes a couple days in your high-speed tumbler. Thoughts like these make me giddy.
This concludes today’s astronomy class.
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Why do melons taste better when they are balled? I know I’m eating the same cantaloupe whether it’s chopped, sliced, chunked, or balled. But for some reason I prefer cantaloupe in a perfectly round form. This goes for all melons. Honey Dew, Cantaloupe, Watermelon. It makes no difference. Shit, I even like Kiwi like this.
It does beg the question, what else will taste better when it’s balled? I was at the MoMA the other day. In the “Design Store” (aka gift shop) they were selling ice cube trays that created ice balls. Can you image how good ice would be if it were in a ball? Good enough to be in a museum gift shop, I can promise you that. Think of the surface area. Think of how cold your ice tea could get. Would olives taste that delicious if they weren’t that shape? And they’re not even balls! More oblong.
The point is… chicken, hot dogs, even string beans… Most foods could benefit from being sphered.
How to carve a smile on a watermelon.
Read MoreFootage from the new X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie was leaked to the internet a couple of days ago. The scenes look pretty good and Logan is bad-ass. This does not contain spoilers so it’s safe to view. Enjoy.
Long halls. I hate long halls. I can’t stand that awkward moment when you recognize someone way down the hall. You see they recognize you, but you’re simply too far away to yell hello. Sure you can give a wave or a thumbs up, but then what? You’re still slowly, awkwardly, headed toward each other. There’s going to be a hello. You have to prepare for it.
It helps if you’ve come up with a different greeting for each person in your office. However, when your office has upwards of a hundred people, and you’re somewhat of a social butterfly, personalized greetings get muddled. You lose track. Did I give this guy the “How’s it hanging?” already this week? Is it transparent? Do I really care how it’s hanging? Does he? What’s with the formality?
Then of course there’s the situation where you see someone way down the hall and you’re not quite sure if they’re greeting-worthy. You kind of know them. You certainly don’t have a personalized greeting for them yet. Walking toward them with a nervous half-smile you think to yourself: Should I say hello? Maybe this is an opportunity to try out some new stuff? Should I trying bringing back The Arsenio? Then when you get up close you can try: “Hey… Jim…right? How do you feel about long halls?”
I find it much easier to stare at the floor as you walk. You risk bumping into walls and corners and even other people, but at least you don’t have the long hall problem anymore. Staring into space is another option, but then people think you’re stoned.
I also hate long hauls.
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