All Tomorrow’s Parties

The post X-Mas comedown. It’s over. New Year’s came and went. The chain of events that started while passed out on a couch watching football on Thanksgiving- finally ended with an emphatic thud today. Since NYE landed on a Wednesday this year, many businesses closed on Thursday AND Friday. Giving everyone another long 4-day weekend. And I’m exhausted.

With my beloved tree lying lifeless on the curb, today was the first day back to the real world. Or at least it should have been. But last night, as I prepared myself for a new year at work, I heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway of my apartment building. Heavy footsteps. Lots of them. I opened the door to see what was the matter and find attached to those footsteps are 6 or 7 Firemen. They move past my door to the floor above. Gas masks and oxygen tanks in tow. Clumsily bumping into the hallway walls with their bulky appliances. My next door neighbor has come to her door to check out what is going on.

When they come back down, they explain a carbon monoxide detector was going off upstairs. They’ve turned off the gas to that apartment. We’re all safe. Rest easy.

That is… until the gas company shows up.

About 45 minutes later, the gas guy, or a gentleman whom is a master of the gaseous arts, knocks on my door. With his gas sniffing doo-hicky… “Hello.” It instantly beeps.

He says, “Oh, it’s coming from this apartment.”

As he walks towards my bedroom the thing in his hand goes off like it’s had a pair of Red Bull Vodkas.

“It’s coming from YOUR boiler.”

He goes to my water heater which resides in a room inside my closet. (I call this my Panic Room.) He discovers the flu that vents carbon monoxide to the outside, has rotted away. -rotted away- CO rises and it was rising right into my neighbor’s apartment upstairs.

“That guy was lucky. That CO detector saved his life. He would have died tonight.”


How, you ask, has my water heater come to such disrepair? I have no fucking clue. But I know that I was almost responsible, at least in part, for killing the nice gentleman who lives above me. I’ve had the building maintenance guy and the gas company here on a number of occasions regarding the smell of gas. (The most recent being New Year’s Eve!) No one seemed to take notice of my rotting water heater? It makes me angry.

I’ve made several resolutions this year. The standard eat right, do more exercise one of them. However today I’ve decided that in the new year… I’d like to savor more. I’m so quick to consume that I’ve forgotten how to really enjoy a moment. It is a resolution that is infinitely scalable whether it be a book I’m reading, food I’m eating, or the smile on her face. I feel this has the potential to improve my existence more than anything else this year.

Here’s to a fresh start. Happy New Year.

That's an old ball.


  1. Mark January 5, 2009

    I believe CO2 is Carbon-DIoxide. That’s what the 2 means. Carbon Monoxide is CO. I mean…get your facts straight if you are going to talk science.

    If you can imagine Prof. Frink’s voice…that’s how I was writing.

  2. Greg January 5, 2009

    Damn, you’re right. Though I’m picturing Egon.


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