I’m on a big health kick. I started running again. I’m trying to cut out artery cloggers like beer or pastrami, and I now drink smoothies. Pushups and situps are days away. This body needs to be in shape for summer. 2010.

Smoothies are my favorite. I love blending and mashing things. My hummus and guacamole are the best in town. As part of this new health regime, fresh fruit infests my kitchen. Pineapples, bananas, white peaches. Strawberries in the fridge. Blueberries in the freezer. Carrots and celery too! A V8 is always a king’s arm-length away. Smoothies appeal to me because I can see exactly what’s going into that concoction. And it’s all good for my belly. That they taste delicious is just gravy.

But smoothies weren’t enough. I needed to kick up that smoothie. After a little research on superfoods (because superpowers are cool) I came up with fish oil. Turns out fish oil is a “miracle” food. It wont completely heal the years of abuse you’ve done to yourself, but it helps with a nice chunk. Who knew? You see.. It has these Omega-3 fatty acids that sound like they come from a different solar system. And most likely, they do. This was my solution.

Against better judgement, I went to GNC and bought this stuff. An actual jar of oil that can be dumped into things. Just a teaspoon of this goop into one smoothie a day and I’m off to a cancer-free lifestyle. Simple enough. I ran home and whipped up a lip-smacking strawberry/banana delight. Added my fish oil and gave it a go. It tasted delicious! Can’t even taste the fish oil! Everything is perfect!

One problem: Everything smells like fish. Need a new idea.