Note to self: Self, do not put fresh fruit in the freezer and then think you can put it in the fridge. It just ruins it. The fruit is never the same. Turned my strawberries into mush. I guess this is why cryogenics doesn’t quite work yet.
Another note to self: Take the stems off your strawberries before you put them in the freezer.
I’m thinking about turning this blog into a zoo. Watch in amazement as a clueless 30 year old learns valuable lessons on domestic life!
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I’m on a big health kick. I started running again. I’m trying to cut out artery cloggers like beer or pastrami, and I now drink smoothies. Pushups and situps are days away. This body needs to be in shape for summer. 2010.
Smoothies are my favorite. I love blending and mashing things. My hummus and guacamole are the best in town. As part of this new health regime, fresh fruit infests my kitchen. Pineapples, bananas, white peaches. Strawberries in the fridge. Blueberries in the freezer. Carrots and celery too! A V8 is always a king’s arm-length away. Smoothies appeal to me because I can see exactly what’s going into that concoction. And it’s all good for my belly. That they taste delicious is just gravy.
But smoothies weren’t enough. I needed to kick up that smoothie. After a little research on superfoods (because superpowers are cool) I came up with fish oil. Turns out fish oil is a “miracle” food. It wont completely heal the years of abuse you’ve done to yourself, but it helps with a nice chunk. Who knew? You see.. It has these Omega-3 fatty acids that sound like they come from a different solar system. And most likely, they do. This was my solution.
Against better judgement, I went to GNC and bought this stuff. An actual jar of oil that can be dumped into things. Just a teaspoon of this goop into one smoothie a day and I’m off to a cancer-free lifestyle. Simple enough. I ran home and whipped up a lip-smacking strawberry/banana delight. Added my fish oil and gave it a go. It tasted delicious! Can’t even taste the fish oil! Everything is perfect!
One problem: Everything smells like fish. Need a new idea.
Read MoreI’ve spoken before about the truly horrible food establishment that is Europa Cafe. The food is terrible. The service is worse. The prices are ridiculous. But for some reason, and I know what they are (I’m a lazy masochist) I go there every day to get my tea and honey. And nearly every day I walk away hating the place more. Last week, the woman didn’t put the top of my tea on correctly and I almost spilled it all over myself. Today I sat there waiting to be helped as they sat back bullshitting about something. When i finally was helped it took three people to get my order wrong. It’s comical. But I don’t have the footing to complain. I still go back. I’ve boycotted it before, but I still go back. (In my defense, the coffee cart that was in my lobby recently closed down, and Europa is the next closest place, but excuses are like assholes.) They sit there and appeal to tourists and offer up the worst this city has to offer. Terrible. Sorry for yelling.
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Why do sandwiches cut on angle taste better? Admit to yourself they do. Apparently food tastes better when it’s easier to eat. This must go back to cavemen times. When we were all hunters, the food that was easier to catch was what you ate. Neanderthals were not eating cheetahs and kangaroos and peregrine falcons. They were eating cows, sheep… and presumably turtles?
You have to wonder how good a Larry David would taste had it been cut diagonally. Might have at least been on par with a Ted Danson. I’ll tell you one thing… I’ll never eat a sandwich that hasn’t been cut on angle ever again. I won’t. Won’t do it.
Who decided that regular salt wasn’t big enough for pretzels? Who was eating a pretzel and said, “You know what? This thing needs salt. Salt the size of hail!” Probably the same person that said, “You know what? I’m gonna tie this dough into a knot.” I’m not complaining. I just want to shake that person’s hand. Or visit their gravestone? Anyone?
This is how I eat grapes. There’s two ways:
One. I delicately bite off half the grape and admire the fruit on the inside.
Two. I stuff my mouth full of grapes, taking care to fill every nook and cranny. Then nosh away on a mouthful of grapes.
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Why do melons taste better when they are balled? I know I’m eating the same cantaloupe whether it’s chopped, sliced, chunked, or balled. But for some reason I prefer cantaloupe in a perfectly round form. This goes for all melons. Honey Dew, Cantaloupe, Watermelon. It makes no difference. Shit, I even like Kiwi like this.
It does beg the question, what else will taste better when it’s balled? I was at the MoMA the other day. In the “Design Store” (aka gift shop) they were selling ice cube trays that created ice balls. Can you image how good ice would be if it were in a ball? Good enough to be in a museum gift shop, I can promise you that. Think of the surface area. Think of how cold your ice tea could get. Would olives taste that delicious if they weren’t that shape? And they’re not even balls! More oblong.
The point is… chicken, hot dogs, even string beans… Most foods could benefit from being sphered.
How to carve a smile on a watermelon.
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I really want one of these. Because of my crippling fear of sharks and my undying love of tea. Always looking for a good tea infuser or chrome dorsal fin.
I love salty and sweet like the next guy. But looking at this almost made me vomit. Over the line.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/yacomink/bacon-cinnamon-rolls-v
We have reached the pinnacle of civilization. I knew this day would come. Didn’t think it would happen this soon or in this manner though.
Yes, I’m sure I’ve proclaimed this before, and will most likely do it again when they perfect teleportation. But I can unequivocally say at this very moment that we have arrived. Ladies and gentleman, we can now print logos and other images in a sepia-toned, caramel-flavored design directly on our lattes. Yes. They can now put artwork on the surface of a beverage.
A company named OnLatte, Inc. has designed a special printer called, cleverly, the Latte Art Machine. It is in prototype form but if the results are any indication of what this puppy can do, we’ll be at version 1.0 in no time. Just hope they come up with a better name before every trendy little coffee shop goes out and buys one of these. Holy Barista Batman!
OnLatte displayed their new toy at the SIGGRAPH 2008 conference with wild success. Here’s a bunch of images of the caffeinated goodness from that very conference. There’s also a video at that page that demonstrates how this thing works.
While I didn’t travel to Los Angeles for the festivities, I can imagine through the magic of Photoshop, what a Miabi Mochaccino would look and taste like. Down the hatch.
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