— M i a b i . F i l m s

So a couple years ago there was this girl from Florida who couldn’t stop hiccuping. She tried every remedy known to man, but she just couldn’t stop. The hiccuping lasted for nearly 5 weeks and she had her 15 minutes because of it. She did a bunch of morning shows and attracted a good deal of media attention. Hiccups are usually a minor annoyance but this particular story hit home because sometimes you feel like they’ll never stop when you have them. Even when you tell your friend to jump out at you and scare you when you least expect it. EVEN when you’re hanging upside down while touching your nose and staring at the sun. This was our fears being realized.

Well. Hiccup Girl has just been charged with first degree murder. Way to go hiccup girl! In what is clearly an homage to every reenactment show ever aired on WE tv, apparently hiccup girl and two buddies lured some dude into the seedy and abandoned part of town so they could rob him. There was probably a struggle and they shot him dead.

If she’s convicted she could face the death penalty. That’s one way to stop those hiccups.

‘Hiccup Girl’ charged with first-degree murder.

Here’s a good way to combat identity theft.

Have important documents but not the space to store them? Can’t afford a paper shredder? Do prowlers go through your trash at night? Rummaging through your table scraps and Q-tips? Try this handy tip next time you need to throw out those old bank statements. Drop some used condoms on top of the trash bag that contains your files. Everyone is grossed out by used condoms.

Don’t have used condoms? Try balloons and shampoo. That should create the proper illuuuusion to thwart any would-be thieves. Sleep better knowing your important papers are securely tucked away under birth control. Used condoms could be the solution to the growing identity theft problem in this country. Learn to protect yourself.