observation | M i a b i . F i l m s

Glue Traps

21-10-2009

Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. I was at my local bodega today and saw something peculiar. They were selling glue traps for mice. On the cover of the box was a picture of a mouse and a snake, both apparently stuck to the glue. Even though most of it was in Spanish, I don’t see what explanation they could give for the snake being on there. If you have a snake problem, it’s time to bring it to the next level. Strategically placing strips of glue around your house isn’t going to cut it. These things are responsible for Original Sin. Up your game.

That being said, I’ve had to use glue traps for a rodent problem before and hated it. These traps are cruel, cheap, and unfortunately effective. Here’s how it usually goes down:

The mouse is running around being a deviant. Doing what it is that mice do. (Which I always perceived as mischief.) Keeping you up at night. Providing constant reminders that you are part of a demographic you’d rather not be associated with.

While searching for food and a good time, the mouse is abruptly stopped in it’s tracks by the glue. It panics and tries to free itself; most often by tearing it’s own legs off. A slow, limbless death stuck face first to a piece of plastic.

This horrific scene can be avoided. Be sure to have vegetable oil around so you can bring the trap outside quickly and set your mouse free. The oil counteracts the glue and allows the thing to get loose. If you get to it in time. Just pour it on there.

Better yet, if you’re going to capture your mice instead of cutting off their food supply, at least spend the extra 50¢ for a spring loaded device that will put Mickey out of his misery quickly.

Going up

By: Greg

08-10-2009

Blog

How I operate in the morning.
Sleepwalk to work. Get to the elevator doors. Eight available to me. There is no one else waiting. Perfect. Come on come on come on. Open mother fucker. Shit, here comes someone else. She doesn’t work on 19. That’s where I need to go. 19. Damn it. One extra stop. Here comes someone else. I don’t recognize him either. I’m going to have to wait for the next elevator. Can’t chance it. I’m not taking the local. I want to go straight up to the 19th floor. No stops.

Ding-a-ling! Doors finally open. 4 people get in. I wait in the lobby. I’m the only one left. Where I want to be. The next elevator can’t be long now. Straight shot to 19. Here comes someone. Yes! They work on my floor. Ding-a-ling! Christ it’s here! We both get in. Rapid fire button pushing. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close. Door Close.

Turn to my co-worker in a relaxed voice, “Didn’t want to take the local.”

“Yeah, me neither.” she says.

Phew. Smooth sailing. We pass 15. What a great day. Pass 16. Three more floors. Did you know laughter helps relieve the effects of depression? That’s what the video screen in the elevator tells me. Ding-a-ling!

What the?

The door opens on 17. Guy walks in and pushes the button for 18.

It’s gonna be a long day.

“Jocks only think about sports…

By: Greg

29-09-2009

Blog

…nerds only think about sex.” – Louis Skolnick

For years, I have been trying to whittle down the definition and differences between a Nerd and a Geek. It’s taken countless hours of submersion in both cultures; including brief stints of both social abandonment and societal mastery to finally arrive at this hypothesis.

My findings:

Geeks are people who do dorky things (read: math, science, computers, comics, sci-fi) and don’t care what other people say. Geeks have reclaimed their dorkiness and are OK with it.

Nerds are people who do dorky things (read: math, science, computers, comics, sci-fi) but don’t know that other people are looking down on them. Nerds will talk to you about their hobbies assuming that you know what they’re talking about.

This is why I feel the characters of Revenge of the Nerds, were closer to geeks than nerds. They may have started out as nerds, but through their independent character arcs, became geeks. Admittedly, the term was very loosely defined in the early 80′s. The character of Booger, by almost all accounts, would not be considered a nerd today. “Nerd” in that movie was meant more to mean “outcast”. “Geek” was not in widespread use at the time, only being coined a few years earlier.

My interest in this distinction stems from my own grapples with self-identity. I’ve always had a decent handle on the nuances of group dynamics, even if I can be awkward more often than I’m comfortable with. But my interest in dorky things at home (read: math, science, computers, comics, sci-fi) lead to a “dork” gap in my mind. Could I possibly be the nerd that I had so feared? Is that so bad? Nerds are just a little… impassioned right?

Today, it is far more accepted to be a geek than a nerd. And that’s where I feel I fit in. I’m a geek. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a nerd. To quote RotN again, “No-one’s gonna really be free until nerd persecution ends.”

Two weeks ago I found the Venn Diagram below that helps support my hypothesis. It even goes so far as to throw “dweeb” and “dork” in there. Dweeb is a rather antiquated term in my opinion, but the author of this diagram felt it was different enough to include.

Packing a subway car

By: Greg

02-09-2009

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The morning commute often leaves me amazed. Somehow, when it seems like there is absolutely no room left for just one additional person in that subway car, we manage to stop and pick up 15 more. Each stop means a slight adjustment for all riders. And somehow we manage. Most of the time this is done peacefully and subconsciously and you end up not having to touch a single stranger. Occasionally my backpack will rub up against someone’s purse or my arm will glance by another person’s arm. But for the most part, you are confined to your own personal space and it works.

This behavior exists with cars too. If you ever stop to think about it, traffic jams are an interesting study in human engineering. Thousands of large, unwieldy jalopies, mere inches away from each other, and only a small percentage of them ever come in contact. Somehow it just works. We follow the rules which say, “Don’t bump into other cars” and it just happens.

Sometimes however, people just can’t figure it out. My commute home last night was one of these times. The car wasn’t even packed. But the way we were all aligned, meant I was bumping into every single person adjacent to me. Of course, I forgive myself of all blame because I know how to act in a subway car. In fact, it could have been just one person throwing a giant human-sized wrench in the works that threw everything into disarray. All I know is that the slightest tilt to one side of the track meant I was bumping into someone. I tried and tried to find my pocket. To find a little personal space that I could call my own. I even brought my backpack around and carried it like a newborn, just to help everyone out. This didn’t do much. I couldn’t get out of this predicament. I can’t tell you how happy I was when those doors opened at Grand st. The relief is brings…

Sometimes folks, the mob simply can’t work it out.

Automated Answering Robots

By: Greg

20-08-2009

Blog

Ever notice that whenever you call a doctor’s office or a support line or any place were they have an automated robot answering system, you always have to “listen carefully because the menu options have recently changed”. I’ve never called at just the right time when the menu options have been sitting stagnant for a while. They’re apparently always shifting and moving and changing and hugging.

Once, Just Once

By: Greg

10-08-2009

Blog

This is going to be a new series, like the Thought Bubbles.

Once, just once, I’d like to be standing at an elevator, waiting for the doors to open when I see a letter fly by in one of those mail chutes. You know, enjoying it’s exciting journey down to the collection box in the basement.

Thought Bubble 6

By: Greg

23-04-2009

Blog

When people use the expression “Be still my heart”, they are actually addressing one of their organs.

Long Halls

By: Greg

08-04-2009

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Long halls. I hate long halls. I can’t stand that awkward moment when you recognize someone way down the hall. You see they recognize you, but you’re simply too far away to yell hello. Sure you can give a wave or a thumbs up, but then what? You’re still slowly, awkwardly, headed toward each other. There’s going to be a hello. You have to prepare for it.

It helps if you’ve come up with a different greeting for each person in your office. However, when your office has upwards of a hundred people, and you’re somewhat of a social butterfly, personalized greetings get muddled. You lose track. Did I give this guy the “How’s it hanging?” already this week? Is it transparent? Do I really care how it’s hanging? Does he? What’s with the formality?

Then of course there’s the situation where you see someone way down the hall and you’re not quite sure if they’re greeting-worthy. You kind of know them. You certainly don’t have a personalized greeting for them yet. Walking toward them with a nervous half-smile you think to yourself: Should I say hello? Maybe this is an opportunity to try out some new stuff? Should I trying bringing back The Arsenio? Then when you get up close you can try: “Hey… Jim…right? How do you feel about long halls?”

I find it much easier to stare at the floor as you walk. You risk bumping into walls and corners and even other people, but at least you don’t have the long hall problem anymore. Staring into space is another option, but then people think you’re stoned.

I also hate long hauls.